We are what we believe

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Henry Ford

In an earlier post, Positive Beliefs and Performance, we described how our beliefs influence our performance.  Over the next few posts we will be exploring how we can become more resourceful by adopting the “Presuppositions of NLP” or “Beliefs of Excellence”, as I like to call them.

This set of helpful beliefs were derived by Richard Bandler and John Grinder from their study of experts in fields relating to human performance and have guided the development of NLP since the early 1970’s. They are not necessarily true, yet by acting “as if” they are, have been proven to produce useful results. Beliefs are usually self fulfilling, if we believe someone doesn’t like us, our defensive manner can make this a reality. If we believe we can master a skill, we persevere until we do.

The beliefs we will be exploring include:

1. The map is not the territory.
2. The meaning of any communication is the response that it gets
3. You cannot ‘not communicate’.
4. Mind and body are parts of the same system… change one and you change the other.
5. The person with the greatest flexibility in thinking and behaviour is likely to have the most influence.
6. Every behaviour has a positive intention.
7. People have all the resources they need or can create them.
8. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.
9. If it’s possible in the world then it’s possible for me, when I discover the ‘how’.
10. People work perfectly, and occasionally they have an issue or challenge to resolve.
11. People make the best choice they can at the time.
12. All procedures should be designed to increase choice.

So we invite you to ‘step into’ each of these positive pre-suppositions, let’s start by taking a look at “the map is not the territory“…

Each of us have developed a different mental model (or map) of the world, based on our unique life experiences, none of us have the complete picture, just our perception of it.

So consider how much scope there is for misunderstanding between individuals?

Developing an attitude of respect for different views and recognising there is no one right way to see a situation, is an essential belief to cultivate to help you learn, and appreciate the people around you, at home and work.

The dreaded B word

How often do you find yourself using the dreaded B word?

BUT …

Sometimes we use it to overule or contradict others – “Your idea is a good one BUT what I think is …”

Interestingly, the word BUT is hard-coded in our neurology to have the effect of cancelling out the first half of the sentence (everything that came before the B word).  So when you use it to contradict others, it cancels out the bit of the sentence where you tried to placate the other person – you might as well not have bothered saying “Your idea is a good one”, because as soon as you said BUT, you cancelled that bit out.  So you’ve left an argumentative impression, rather than a conciliatory impression.

In these circumstances, try using the word AND instead.  “Your idea is a good one AND what I think is …”  This simple little word will have the effect of showing that you respect the other person’s point of view, and are demonstrating the intention of building on it, rather than overruling it.

Sometimes we use BUT to set boundaries on our own abilities or potential – “I’d like to do that BUT the problem is …”

Just notice the difference between the following two statements:

• I really want to set up my own business, but I don’t know where to start.
• I don’t know where to start, but I really want to set up my own business.

The second one leaves you with the positive intention, because the self-doubt has been cancelled out by the BUT.

If you find yourself expressing any self-limitations, or self-doubt, or holding yourself back with the B word, try turning the sentence round so that the problem is stated before the BUT, and the sentence ends with your positive intention, belief or action.

You might be unsure whether this suggestion will make a difference, BUT if you try it, you might just notice some positive benefit.