What’s your passion?

This article is the third in our series following the recent interview that Karen Mason and I conducted with Dr David Fraser. David is the author of the excellent book “Relationship Mastery – a Business Professional’s Guide”.

One point that really struck home with me and Karen was when David emphasised the need for people in any kind of career crisis to live life on purpose. This struck a chord with us, because it was exactly the theme of one of our recent Monday Musings – Working on Purpose.

David told us a bit of his own story – that he had elected to step off the corporate ladder in order to pursue his passion – which is to continue to build his own skills in the area of relationship mastery, whilst sharing with others what he has learnt along the way. He acknowledged that whilst financially he might be the poorer for this decision, in terms of fulfilment and happiness he is undoubtedly richer.

David advised taking the following steps:

1. Think long term – what’s your real passion?
2. Ask yourself “what was I put on this earth to do?”
3. Shape your whole life around your purpose.
4. Then communicate this to those around you, and you will notice that the right kinds of people and opportunities will materialise in your life.

David Fraser, PhD, is a leading authority on relationship skills in professional and personal life. He is a business owner, chartered engineer, certified mediator, NLP master practitioner, and family man. Find out more at www.drdavidfraser.com

It’s OK to ask for help

In our recent interview with Dr David Fraser, Karen and I asked David about how people in career transition can make the most of their extended networks – friends, colleagues past and present, family, and even your hairdresser, butcher or postman.

David’s advice was to see every person as an individual, just like you, and therefore to build relationships with everyone. He recommended working from a belief that people are pleased to help. If you think about it, when someone asks you for help, on the whole you will do what you can for them. It’s the same the other way around.

If you need information, or to be introduced to someone, or even some practical support, the chances are that there is someone in your extended network who can give you exactly what you want, if only you ask for it.

We asked David whether this means that you get into the situation of trading favours, with one person being in another person’s debt if they have accepted some help.

David was forthright in disagreeing with this! He described the concept of pay it forward, sometimes also expressed as what goes around, comes around. With this mind-set, when you offer help to someone, you do so without any expectation of being paid back, but instead, you simply ask that the recipient pays it forward – whenever they can do something help for another person, then they should. In this way, everyone benefits.

Action points:

1. What help do you need? Who can you ask for it?
2. If someone has done something for you, how can you pay it forward? Who else will benefit from your assistance?

See yourself as others see you

Dr David Fraser

I was lucky enough to interview Dr David Fraser recently, along with my associate Karen Mason. David has been described as “a rival to Dale Carnegie”, as the author of the best-selling book “Relationship Mastery – a Business Professional’s Guide” which is a refreshing book showing you how to do a better job of relating to other people.

In this article, I look at just one of the many tips that David shared with us – the value of becoming more self-aware, and to be able to see ourselves as others see us.

In any situation in which you are relating to another person, whether at work or at home, it is extremely useful to pay attention to the other person’s needs, and to be able to meet their needs. In this way, you are more likely to be able to also achieve your own intentions, creating a truly win-win result. To do this, however, you need to be as self-aware as possible. David advised mentally stepping outside of yourself, and asking yourself “How am I coming across? What do I like or not like about what’s going on here? What can I do more of, or stop doing, in order to get a better result for us both?”

Here’s a simple exercise that David described to help you to see yourself in the context of another person’s eyes:

• Choose a relationship that you’d like to explore – perhaps one in which you are currently experiencing some friction or difficulty.
• Arrange two chairs to represent yourself and the other person.
• Sit in the first chair, and visualise the other person sitting opposite you.
• Ask yourself “what do I see when I look at them? what can I hear? what am I saying to myself about this relationship? how does that make me feel?”
• Then ask, “what do I really want out of this relationship”.
• Get up, and go and sit in the other chair, taking on the role of the other person. Try sitting in their posture and really become them, looking back at ‘yourself’ in the first chair.
• Again, in the role of the second person, ask yourself “what do I see when I look at them? what can I hear? what am I saying to myself about this relationship? how does that make me feel?”
• Also ask yourself, “if I (as the other person) could give a gift or a piece of advice back to ‘myself’ in the first chair, what would that be?”
• Next, stand up and move to a position somewhat distanced, but where you can see both chairs. Become a fly-on-the-wall observer to the relationship between the two people.
• In this observer position, looking at both chairs, ask yourself “what can I see is really going on between the two people in this relationship? what do they have in common? where do they differ? what advice can I give to ‘myself’ in this relationship?”
• Finally, take this advice with you as you go back and sit in the first chair, and notice what is new for you in this relationship. Take away any insights, learnings or actions that will help you in the future.

David Fraser, PhD, is a leading authority on relationship skills in professional and personal life. He is a business owner, chartered engineer, certified mediator, NLP master practitioner, and family man. Find out more at www.drdavidfraser.com

How to find your transferable skills

When you are facing redundancy or career change, you may wish to look at moving into an industry where you have little or no previous experience. In this circumstance, your transferable skills are paramount.

Consider the following three stories about clients we have coached recently:

Adam, was recently made redundant from a senior post within a financial services company.  Adam is a highly experienced programme manager, who has led multi-million, multi-national projects and has a superb track record of delivering on-time and on-budget.

When I first met Adam, he was despondent. “The whole industry is suffering at the moment” he said “how can I possibly find a similar job?”.  When we explored Adam’s circles of influence, we discovered that he had a few contacts through friends and relatives in the oil and gas industry. We agreed that he should discuss his situation with them. At our next meeting, Adam was overjoyed to discover that they were very interested in him. “I told them ‘I know nothing about the oil and gas industry’ but they said that wasn’t of relevance – they were crying out for my programme management skills and experience”.

John has recently left the RAF with the current round of defence cuts and redundancies in the armed forces. He faced his transition into civvy street with some nervousness, but when we looked at his transferable skills he was able to identify a whole range of managerial, project management, planning and logistics skills that would be valued in any industry, together with the experience of applying these in high-pressure environments.

Sally’s problem was a little different – from having been an HR business partner in a large retail chain, she took a 12-month career break to go travelling. On her return, she found that the market was tight, and so she did temping jobs for the next 6 months. When she got back into the job market, she was embarrassed by what she saw as an 18 month gap in her CV. During coaching, she looked at this period of her life differently, and enumerated the different skills that she had deployed to make her travelling successful, as well as the attributes that she had learnt during the experience. She then re-presented her CV and discovered that the “gap” was in fact of interest and relevance to prospective employers.

If you’re in a similar situation to Adam, John or Sally, then try this:

1. Look at your skills from a different angle, and try to see what someone else would find valuable in you.
2. Ask friends and contacts in different industries to tell you what parts of your skill-set are required in their industry.
3. Remember that everything you ever do adds to your kit-bag of skills and experience.  This includes career breaks, hobbies, your home life and voluntary work.

What have you overlooked in your life that adds to your worth?

The dreaded B word

How often do you find yourself using the dreaded B word?

BUT …

Sometimes we use it to overule or contradict others – “Your idea is a good one BUT what I think is …”

Interestingly, the word BUT is hard-coded in our neurology to have the effect of cancelling out the first half of the sentence (everything that came before the B word).  So when you use it to contradict others, it cancels out the bit of the sentence where you tried to placate the other person – you might as well not have bothered saying “Your idea is a good one”, because as soon as you said BUT, you cancelled that bit out.  So you’ve left an argumentative impression, rather than a conciliatory impression.

In these circumstances, try using the word AND instead.  “Your idea is a good one AND what I think is …”  This simple little word will have the effect of showing that you respect the other person’s point of view, and are demonstrating the intention of building on it, rather than overruling it.

Sometimes we use BUT to set boundaries on our own abilities or potential – “I’d like to do that BUT the problem is …”

Just notice the difference between the following two statements:

• I really want to set up my own business, but I don’t know where to start.
• I don’t know where to start, but I really want to set up my own business.

The second one leaves you with the positive intention, because the self-doubt has been cancelled out by the BUT.

If you find yourself expressing any self-limitations, or self-doubt, or holding yourself back with the B word, try turning the sentence round so that the problem is stated before the BUT, and the sentence ends with your positive intention, belief or action.

You might be unsure whether this suggestion will make a difference, BUT if you try it, you might just notice some positive benefit.

Tip 5: Get Support Through Your Transition

This is the final article in our series following our recent Career Change webinar in which Karen and I shared tips to overcome the 5 key mistakes people make when faced with redundancy or career change.

The fifth mistake that we discussed was “the mistake that leaves you feeling undervalued”.  Because you are going through so many conflicting thoughts and feelings, you may well hide these from the people around you.  To reveal yourself to colleagues or employers may be seen as a sign of weakness, and have unintended consequences.  Even if you do share your thoughts with those close to you, your partner or close friends, they will not be able to truly empathise with what you are going through.  One very senior executive who registered for our Career Transition webinar asked if his wife could participate too, “so she can understand what I’m dealing with right now”.

The remedy for this is to build a support system around you so that you can respond positively to the changes ahead. When you have someone who will hold your vision for you and believe in you, it redoubles your strength to take the necessary steps, knowing that you are not alone, and knowing that you have people to turn to who will support you at every stage.

This is exactly why we designed our programme called “From Crisis To Clarity in 50 Days” – so that Karen and I can provide you with that support mechanism, reinforced by the peer support of other people who are going through the same programme with you. We will keep you focused on your long-term vision, and on the short-terms steps that will get you there in the most effective way.

To find out more, and to sign-up for the “From Crisis To Clarity in 50 Days” programme, just visit www.crisistoclarity.com

We look forward to working with you.

Tip 4: Have a Clear Sense of Self

Once again, this article is designed to share with you another of the tips for overcoming the  5 key mistakes people make when faced with redundancy or career change.

The fourth mistake is “the mistake that prevents you reaching your full potential”. It is common when facing a career crisis to find yourself wondering if “there must be more to life than this”.  You may be without a job, having been made redundant, or you may be in a job which is not fulfilling you. Either way, the consequence is that you start to lose sight of your own strengths, and of the attributes that have made you successful so far. You also risk falling into the trap of complacency, particularly if you are a senior person or a leader – you may be trapped in the safety of being the “expert”.

This is dangerous territory, because it stops you from seeking out opportunities to grow and develop, and stops you from achieving your full potential.  To remedy this mistake, what you really need is to have a clear sense of self as you are now, not who you have been, or who you would like to be.

We have a great exercise which we do with our VIP coaching clients, and which we’d like to share with you:

1. Contact at least 10 people from all areas of your life – colleagues (peers, subordinates and superiors), friends, family, people from your community and simply ask them “what is it that you value about me?”.
2. Be open to whatever comes back.   Some answers will be refreshing, self-affirming, illuminating and encouraging; and some may be inconvenient truths that you just have to act on!
3. Take time to reflect on the responses and what they tell you about who you are, and how people see you. Use this to nourish your sense of self, and to keep you focused on what will fulfil your true potential.

We will be posting more tips to help you through your career transition over the coming weeks.  For intensive coaching support around this exercise, and many more which will help to ensure you avoid this mistake and the others in this series, join our “From Crisis to Clarity” Bootcamp.

Tip 3: A Systematic Process Makes For Successful Transition

During our recent Career Change webinar Karen and I enjoyed sharing tips to overcome the 5 key mistakes people make when faced with redundancy or career change. We have now turned these 5 tips into a series of blog post to share with you here.

The third mistake we explored was “the mistake that keeps you on the treadmill, and stops you making the career change you really want”.  A significant career change is an infrequent event for most people, and so you don’t have the experience to do it effectively.  You feel as though you are treading a brand-new path without guidance or support as to what steps to take and in which order.  You may also feel quite alone if you are unable to confide in colleagues or friends.

To overcome this mistake you need a system and a process to follow through to successful transition. Ideally, this should be a process which is already tested and proven to work, and will enable you to learn from the experience of others who have been through it before you.   By having a clear process, you will be able to apply your energy in the most effective way, focused on your successful transition, doing everything that you need to do, and nothing you don’t.

To help you through your transition and provide you intensive coaching support to ensure you avoid this mistake and the others in this series, we’ve developed the “From Crisis to Clarity” Bootcamp to ensure your career transition is a successful one.

Look here for more tips to help you through your career transition over the coming weeks.

Tip 2: Know your true priorities

During our recent Career Change webinar, dozens of people really responded to the second of the 5 mistakes that we discussed.  These are the 5 key mistakes people make when faced with redundancy or career change. We have now turned these 5 tips into a series of blog post to share with you. Here’s the second one.

This is the mistake that leads many people to make the wrong career choice when faced with career crisis.  Whether you’ve been made redundant, are unemployed, or are considering a career change, the mistake people make is to put their financial situation first when choosing what to do next.  This is natural – we all need to pay the mortgage, buy groceries and pay the heating bills.  However, putting money too high up the priorities list means that you might make the wrong choice, or make a choice too quickly just so that you can rest easy about having an income coming in, whereas in fact  you will find that whatever caused you to be in career crisis in the first place hasn’t actually been addressed.

To overcome this mistake, here is an exercise which can really help you to explore all the different values and priorities which are unique and personal to you, and which will help you to make the right choice:

1. Take a blank sheet of paper, and ask yourself “What is important to me at home?” Write down the answer.
2. Then ask yourself “What is important to me at work?” Write down the answer.
3. Then ask yourself “What is important to me for myself?” Write down the answer.
4. Then ask yourself “What is important to me within my community?”  Write down the answer.
5. For each of the answers that you have written down, ask yourself “… and what is important to me about that?”. Write down the answer.
6. Repeat this with your new set of answers, and continue until you can’t go any further, or until you start to get repeated answers.
7. Put the paper aside for 24 hours, then come back to it with fresh eyes and look at the list of things that are your real priorities. Make sure that you are meeting these true needs in anything that you choose to undertake.

We will be posting more tips to help you through your career transition over the coming weeks.  For intensive coaching support to ensure you avoid this mistake and the others in this series, find out more about our “From Crisis to Clarity” Bootcamp to ensure your career transition is a successful one.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Can you remember when you were a little child – what did you want to be when you grew up?  Whether your dreams ran along typical lines of train-driver, ballet dancer or pop star, or whether you had more unusual intentions (apparently I wanted to be a window cleaner and write sermons in my spare time) just take a moment now to reflect on how close you have come to your childhood dream.

When we are facing the crisis of redundancy we often revert to child-like behaviour.  Some of this behaviour is unhelpful, like blaming others, sulking or going into an over-emotional state.  So why not take the opportunity to do some other, more positive child-like behaviour?  Try indulging in a spot of child-like, no-boundaries, no-rules day-dreaming on “what I want to be when I grow up”.  No matter what age you are, you can still make these dreams come true.  I no longer fancy being a window-cleaner, and whilst a blog isn’t quite the same as a sermon, I’d say it’s pretty close!