Positive Beliefs and Performance

My brief for a recent Recruitment Centre “to facilitate a 30 minute session on how Transactional Analysis supports Positive Belief in Performance”.  My initial reaction, one of horror!

“What do I know about TA?” came my inner voice…

It took a while for me to be with the topic, change my thoughts and begin to realise this was going to be an enjoyable project. I reframed the task as a chance for a little research with a specific purpose, to learn and grow from the preparation and to faciliate a 30 minute session where the participants would also be able to learn a little about themselves.

I did enjoy the research and preparation, which led to my successful facilitation of an experiential 30 minutes based on Julie Hay‘s description of BAR and PRO.

… and what did I learn during the process? How our inner voice can limit us if we let it.  If I had listened to my initial reaction, rather than responding positively to the challenge, I may have chosen a more limiting response.  Once we stop and notice what our inner critic is saying, we can challenge it and choose to believe something far more resourceful, leading to successful outcomes and greater performance.

My story is demonstration of breaking the limiting Belief – Action – Reinforcement (BAR) cycle, by challenging our beliefs, changing our actions and not seeking to reinforce those limiting  beliefs, we can achieve Positive beliefs – take Resourceful actions – leading to Okay outcomes (PRO). My experience of coaching is that it provides a fabulous opportunity to challenge negative beliefs and consider new actions. Working with a coach enables you as learner to discover new choices, leading to resourceful outcomes and transformation in your performance.

So, what beliefs are holding YOU back from performing at your best?  Share your stories here and let’s see how can we support you challenge those limiting beliefs and discover your potential…

The dreaded B word

How often do you find yourself using the dreaded B word?

BUT …

Sometimes we use it to overule or contradict others – “Your idea is a good one BUT what I think is …”

Interestingly, the word BUT is hard-coded in our neurology to have the effect of cancelling out the first half of the sentence (everything that came before the B word).  So when you use it to contradict others, it cancels out the bit of the sentence where you tried to placate the other person – you might as well not have bothered saying “Your idea is a good one”, because as soon as you said BUT, you cancelled that bit out.  So you’ve left an argumentative impression, rather than a conciliatory impression.

In these circumstances, try using the word AND instead.  “Your idea is a good one AND what I think is …”  This simple little word will have the effect of showing that you respect the other person’s point of view, and are demonstrating the intention of building on it, rather than overruling it.

Sometimes we use BUT to set boundaries on our own abilities or potential – “I’d like to do that BUT the problem is …”

Just notice the difference between the following two statements:

• I really want to set up my own business, but I don’t know where to start.
• I don’t know where to start, but I really want to set up my own business.

The second one leaves you with the positive intention, because the self-doubt has been cancelled out by the BUT.

If you find yourself expressing any self-limitations, or self-doubt, or holding yourself back with the B word, try turning the sentence round so that the problem is stated before the BUT, and the sentence ends with your positive intention, belief or action.

You might be unsure whether this suggestion will make a difference, BUT if you try it, you might just notice some positive benefit.

Tip 5: Get Support Through Your Transition

This is the final article in our series following our recent Career Change webinar in which Karen and I shared tips to overcome the 5 key mistakes people make when faced with redundancy or career change.

The fifth mistake that we discussed was “the mistake that leaves you feeling undervalued”.  Because you are going through so many conflicting thoughts and feelings, you may well hide these from the people around you.  To reveal yourself to colleagues or employers may be seen as a sign of weakness, and have unintended consequences.  Even if you do share your thoughts with those close to you, your partner or close friends, they will not be able to truly empathise with what you are going through.  One very senior executive who registered for our Career Transition webinar asked if his wife could participate too, “so she can understand what I’m dealing with right now”.

The remedy for this is to build a support system around you so that you can respond positively to the changes ahead. When you have someone who will hold your vision for you and believe in you, it redoubles your strength to take the necessary steps, knowing that you are not alone, and knowing that you have people to turn to who will support you at every stage.

This is exactly why we designed our programme called “From Crisis To Clarity in 50 Days” – so that Karen and I can provide you with that support mechanism, reinforced by the peer support of other people who are going through the same programme with you. We will keep you focused on your long-term vision, and on the short-terms steps that will get you there in the most effective way.

To find out more, and to sign-up for the “From Crisis To Clarity in 50 Days” programme, just visit www.crisistoclarity.com

We look forward to working with you.

Tip 4: Have a Clear Sense of Self

Once again, this article is designed to share with you another of the tips for overcoming the  5 key mistakes people make when faced with redundancy or career change.

The fourth mistake is “the mistake that prevents you reaching your full potential”. It is common when facing a career crisis to find yourself wondering if “there must be more to life than this”.  You may be without a job, having been made redundant, or you may be in a job which is not fulfilling you. Either way, the consequence is that you start to lose sight of your own strengths, and of the attributes that have made you successful so far. You also risk falling into the trap of complacency, particularly if you are a senior person or a leader – you may be trapped in the safety of being the “expert”.

This is dangerous territory, because it stops you from seeking out opportunities to grow and develop, and stops you from achieving your full potential.  To remedy this mistake, what you really need is to have a clear sense of self as you are now, not who you have been, or who you would like to be.

We have a great exercise which we do with our VIP coaching clients, and which we’d like to share with you:

1. Contact at least 10 people from all areas of your life – colleagues (peers, subordinates and superiors), friends, family, people from your community and simply ask them “what is it that you value about me?”.
2. Be open to whatever comes back.   Some answers will be refreshing, self-affirming, illuminating and encouraging; and some may be inconvenient truths that you just have to act on!
3. Take time to reflect on the responses and what they tell you about who you are, and how people see you. Use this to nourish your sense of self, and to keep you focused on what will fulfil your true potential.

We will be posting more tips to help you through your career transition over the coming weeks.  For intensive coaching support around this exercise, and many more which will help to ensure you avoid this mistake and the others in this series, join our “From Crisis to Clarity” Bootcamp.

Tip 3: A Systematic Process Makes For Successful Transition

During our recent Career Change webinar Karen and I enjoyed sharing tips to overcome the 5 key mistakes people make when faced with redundancy or career change. We have now turned these 5 tips into a series of blog post to share with you here.

The third mistake we explored was “the mistake that keeps you on the treadmill, and stops you making the career change you really want”.  A significant career change is an infrequent event for most people, and so you don’t have the experience to do it effectively.  You feel as though you are treading a brand-new path without guidance or support as to what steps to take and in which order.  You may also feel quite alone if you are unable to confide in colleagues or friends.

To overcome this mistake you need a system and a process to follow through to successful transition. Ideally, this should be a process which is already tested and proven to work, and will enable you to learn from the experience of others who have been through it before you.   By having a clear process, you will be able to apply your energy in the most effective way, focused on your successful transition, doing everything that you need to do, and nothing you don’t.

To help you through your transition and provide you intensive coaching support to ensure you avoid this mistake and the others in this series, we’ve developed the “From Crisis to Clarity” Bootcamp to ensure your career transition is a successful one.

Look here for more tips to help you through your career transition over the coming weeks.

Tip 2: Know your true priorities

During our recent Career Change webinar, dozens of people really responded to the second of the 5 mistakes that we discussed.  These are the 5 key mistakes people make when faced with redundancy or career change. We have now turned these 5 tips into a series of blog post to share with you. Here’s the second one.

This is the mistake that leads many people to make the wrong career choice when faced with career crisis.  Whether you’ve been made redundant, are unemployed, or are considering a career change, the mistake people make is to put their financial situation first when choosing what to do next.  This is natural – we all need to pay the mortgage, buy groceries and pay the heating bills.  However, putting money too high up the priorities list means that you might make the wrong choice, or make a choice too quickly just so that you can rest easy about having an income coming in, whereas in fact  you will find that whatever caused you to be in career crisis in the first place hasn’t actually been addressed.

To overcome this mistake, here is an exercise which can really help you to explore all the different values and priorities which are unique and personal to you, and which will help you to make the right choice:

1. Take a blank sheet of paper, and ask yourself “What is important to me at home?” Write down the answer.
2. Then ask yourself “What is important to me at work?” Write down the answer.
3. Then ask yourself “What is important to me for myself?” Write down the answer.
4. Then ask yourself “What is important to me within my community?”  Write down the answer.
5. For each of the answers that you have written down, ask yourself “… and what is important to me about that?”. Write down the answer.
6. Repeat this with your new set of answers, and continue until you can’t go any further, or until you start to get repeated answers.
7. Put the paper aside for 24 hours, then come back to it with fresh eyes and look at the list of things that are your real priorities. Make sure that you are meeting these true needs in anything that you choose to undertake.

We will be posting more tips to help you through your career transition over the coming weeks.  For intensive coaching support to ensure you avoid this mistake and the others in this series, find out more about our “From Crisis to Clarity” Bootcamp to ensure your career transition is a successful one.

Tip 1: Know What You Want

During our recent Career Change webinar Madeleine and I enjoyed sharing tips to overcome the 5 key mistakes people make when faced with redundancy or career change. We have now turned these 5 tips into a series of blog post to share with you here.

The first mistake we explored was “the mistake that means you are sending out the wrong signals”. When facing change you may find yourself thinking negative thoughts: “what if I don’t find another job?”, “what if I am unable to do my new role well?”, “what if my new team don’t respect me, after all what do I know?” and so on…  These thoughts start to define who you are, you lose confidence and start to seriously doubt yourself.  This negative self talk can become quite debilitating and affect your whole physiology, behaviour and language.  You may start to transmit signals of desperation, uncertainty, lack of confidence… and ultimately your thoughts become self fulfilling.

To overcome this mistake you need a clear picture of your preferred future.  By creating a clear picture of what you want, rather than what you don’t want, you have a vision to guide you through the process of transition, something positive to focus on and keep you on your preferred path through the good times and more tough days.

We will be posting more tips to help you through your career transition over the coming weeks.  For intensive coaching support to ensure you avoid this mistake and the others in this series, find out more about our “From Crisis to Clarity” Bootcamp to ensure your career transition is a successful one.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Can you remember when you were a little child – what did you want to be when you grew up?  Whether your dreams ran along typical lines of train-driver, ballet dancer or pop star, or whether you had more unusual intentions (apparently I wanted to be a window cleaner and write sermons in my spare time) just take a moment now to reflect on how close you have come to your childhood dream.

When we are facing the crisis of redundancy we often revert to child-like behaviour.  Some of this behaviour is unhelpful, like blaming others, sulking or going into an over-emotional state.  So why not take the opportunity to do some other, more positive child-like behaviour?  Try indulging in a spot of child-like, no-boundaries, no-rules day-dreaming on “what I want to be when I grow up”.  No matter what age you are, you can still make these dreams come true.  I no longer fancy being a window-cleaner, and whilst a blog isn’t quite the same as a sermon, I’d say it’s pretty close!

When Opportunity Knocks

I’ve been reading a fascinating book Total Leadership by Stewart Friedman.  He writes about how leaders who have the ability to integrate four key aspects of their life, rather than balance them, are often better leaders who lead a richer life.  The four aspects Stew describes are:

• work
• home
• community
• self

Having wrestled for many years to balance these four parts of my own life and seeing them as separate, I recognise this has caused me much conflict… so the idea of integration really appeals.

Last night I saw an awesome example of integration taking place, where passion, vision and focus delivered massive opportunity for others.

Want to know more?

Chris has had a passion for singing for many years and in her spare time invested in vocal training.  She sings all the time at home, watches all the talent shows on TV and occasionally performs at weddings and functions.  Singing is a core part of who Chris is and her passion was being fulfilled in her home life.

Chris came for professional coaching about 4 years ago to help her determine her “work self”.  She left her career with a large IT company following the arrival of her second child 8 years ago.  Since then she has been an at home mum, supporting the  successful growth of her partners plumbing business.  During the coaching programme Chris dreamed of turning her passion for singing into her work.  Her vision “To offer children the opportunity to sing for fun and grow in confidence.”

With her vision came clarity of purpose and Chris became focused on creating opportunities to realise her dream.  She started a lunchtime club at her son’s school and once established moved on to set up a second club at another local primary school.  She is now looking to start her third!  Chris has so much energy and enthusiasm for what she does, for all those that know her we see how driven she is to succeed in giving as many children as possible opportunity to sing and grow.

Last night I attended a Talent Show for 7 to 13 years olds… the show was the culmination of a dream for Christine Davis, who proudly introduced 30 of her young students to perform in front of a packed village hall full of parents and friends.  Integrating her work within the community in this way, brought a lot of joy to local people and provided her students the opportunity to show off all they have learnt.  It was wonderful to watch the children growing in confidence as the night unfolded and fantastic that Chris was able to offer them an experience that will remain with them for the rest of their lives.

Christine’s pop vocal coaching business is Sing Pop and you can follow her on Twitter @singpopuk.

As leaders there is a lot we can learn from the congruence Chris exhibits in all four aspects of her life. Here are a few questions to help you to reflect on how integrated your life is:

1. What is your vision?
2. What is your passion?
3. What’s important to you?
4. What needs to change to bring you greater harmony?
5. What will you focus on first to integrate the four aspects of your life?

Do let us know what you discover.